thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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