we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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