I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
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I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
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The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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