Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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