I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize