So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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