Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
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I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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