Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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