I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
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dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
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I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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