I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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