The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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