you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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