Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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