Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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