____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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