There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
His nipple licking is glorious
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