just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
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He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
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That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
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