I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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