Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize