just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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