you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
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I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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