Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
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I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
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He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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