i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
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I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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