fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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