This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
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Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
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I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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