I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize