we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize