all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
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smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
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And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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