sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
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I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
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Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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