we made out on top of his cat.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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