college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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