The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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