I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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