i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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