I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize