Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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