I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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