Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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