Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
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He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
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We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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