last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
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just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
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Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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