And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
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The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
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I feel like death gave me a hand job
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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