swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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