If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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