i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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