Im at strip club and am horny
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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