but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize