this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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