how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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