My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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