The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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